Nepo

I am reading "The Book of Awakening" by Mark Nepo. Today's meditation was about the type of daily situation where a person brings in 20 bags go groceries, and when they get to the door they either have to maneuver their arms into octopus arms or they have to sit some groceries down and open the door. Nepo seems to suggest that most people would try to grow some impossible arms to get through the door. How many times in life do i just try to barge on ahead? The January 2 devotion asks readers to contemplate where in our lives we don't put the burdens down before trying to open the door.

I can relate a 100 percent. My entire dieting life has always been about the fastest way to get to the skinny door. I've never even gotten in the door, and now I've become so large I won't fit through the door:) How do I put down my burdensome load so I can get through the door. One step at a time, and I relearn each step slowly and thoroughly. And a painful, continuous lesson this is for me. Even with weight loss surgery I want it fast! I am starting to realize its a slow process intentionally so that I have the time to learn how to get through the door. Putting the groceries down or dropping the heavy burdens to open and walk through the door is really me being carefully mindful of healthier habits.

This weeks habits as I prepare for weight loss surgery.

1. Chop and chew my food/put my fork down between each bite.

2. Eat regularly planned healthy meals and snacks.

3. Try to choose higher protein foods.

Facing my Phobia of Pictures

I've taken very few pictures of myself throughout the years because I've always been unhappy with my weight, but I desperately want to leave behind pictures of myself in the case of my inevitable death (as it will eventually reach out to all of us). I want my kids to have visual memories of me. In January of 2012 my brother unexpectedly and tragically died. I loved him so much, and happy pictures of him have comforted me. If I died today I'd probably leave less than 20 pictures of my adult life (counting this one). So my first step before weightloss surgery was to take a picture of myself, one that shows my happiness. Bucket List # 1 for 2013: Have family pictures taken shortly after I've lost a few pounds with surgery, and take some pictures of myself before surgery. (You know in case I kick the bucket before I ever get to the thin picture ready me.) I don't mean to be morbid, but my brother's tragic death leaves no room to wonder if life is ever guaranteed. So I'm living it now while I can!